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The Confusion of Existing

To come to life is literally a unique moment that brings a variety of sensations that we cannot describe, since we neither have the words, nor the knowledge to do so, at the time. However, as the years went by, I have come to remind myself of that precise second, when I suddenly became. I have an important advantage over you: I have been alive for close to 12 billion years. And so, I have had time to analyze, in detail, that precise instant when I opened myself to my surroundings.

I did not have eyes, or ears, like you do. My entire essence was an all-around captor of sensations and realities. I was able to move from one location to another, without sensing any time passing by. And in truth, it made it all quite confusing to me.

It certainly is for all of you, as well. I have witnessed the birth of so many human beings, as I came back to life inside their bodies, at the very moment that their existence started. Not when they left the belly of their mother, but when the fertilization of the egg happened. I have always enjoyed those nine months. It gave me time to prepare myself, to what I was about to discover on the other side. I got to know my father, before he got to see and hold me in his arms. I already knew if he would be tender or if he would try to break me, or worse, abuse me. There wasn’t much I could do physically to save myself and my host, from these monstrosities when these situations occurred. But I had a psychological advantage, from which my host benefited as well. Let’s say that I knew when to “disappear” at the right time, when father was about to get in his dangerous moods. And I could do so from a very early age. That was enough to scare some of my genitors, profoundly.

But let’s get back to coming to life. For humans, the shock of coming out from the womb is much greater than you can imagine, now that you have become adults. In truth, as you slowly take shape in there, you all believe that you mother’s belly is where you will stay forever. What a joy! Being fed, always kept warm, kicking around… But when you realize that there is another life after this one, you are not happy at all. No wonder you start to cry. You are losing everything you thought you had, in an instant. But the beauty of nature is that it adapts to anything. And so, babies lose their fear rapidly, finding the warmth that they have just lost, back again, in their mother’s arms.

Of course, babies have lots of time to learn, before they have to take care of themselves. That wasn’t true for the other “Beings” and me. We were expected to know what to do. And indeed, we did. Which is why it would be easy to pretend that we are alike to Gods, in the definition that mankind makes of them, at least. It all starts with the fact that we were already filled with the knowledge of everything moving through the space around us. We could also affect it, in many different ways. But one of the things that we could not control, was its expansion.

Believe me, we sure tried. At the beginning, keeping control of the whole universe, even if it was rather small, was not an easy task. To see it grow, constantly, made all of us worry. But we were never able to stop its progression. We should have known, right then, that there was someone or something, more powerful than us. But when you hold power, you want to believe that it is ultimate. That is true for everyone, including you, even in the smallest way that you feel that you hold it. Power is power. Something that you may want to reflect upon.

But how can we have been born with knowledge already inside of us, you may wonder? Well, I will give you an example that is easy to understand. When you start your new PC, it already knows what it has to do, right? Afterwards, you will fill it with software, hardware and information that will make it grow, so it is adapted to your needs. Well, the same is true for us “Beings,” and for you, humans. We come to life with a certain program, that directs us towards what we must do, in order to survive. Some will thrive, others will only remain at the state of survival their whole life. But we are not born empty.

You will understand better how this works for men and women, when we get to the birth of my eternal loved one: The Maiden. But for now, just add this to your knowledge: You and I are both the same, we were only built by different creators.

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